


Happy Birthday!!

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [59]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Birthday, Multi, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 20:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7985359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>johnn: it's lafayette's birthday!!</p><p>laf: and yet you're not in here</p><p>johnn: I know what you and alex are doing in there</p><p>johnn: or rather what alex is doing to you</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Birthday!!

**johnn** : it's lafayette's birthday!!  
  
**laf** : and yet you're not in here  
  
**johnn** : I know what you and alex are doing in there  
  
**johnn** : or rather what alex is doing to you  
  
**johnn** : and I'm making eggs rn I can't  
  
**laf** : let hercules make them  
  
**laf** : or hercules can come in here and you can stay out there  
  
**more like HUNKules** : soz love I'm already dressed  
  
**laf** : rude  
  
**laf** : nvm  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh I don't want to know  
  
**laf** : alex just did Something and I gotta go  
  
**more like HUNKules** : the fact that I know what he did by the sound you made  
  
**johnn** : RT  
  
**johnn** : also like how strong is lafayette's resolve  
  
**johnn** : once alex did that to me and I thought I was having an out of body experience  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we can't have this conversation right now  
  
**johnn** : right right  
  
**johnn** : we have to go be adults when they're done sinning  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : did you two get lafayette's birthday presents yesterday??  
  
**johnn** : SHIT  
  
**more like HUNKules** : FUCK  
  
**little lion** : oh MY GOD HOW  
  
**johnn** : WE WERE JUST WORRIED ABOUT LAFAYETTE WE WANTED TO GET HOME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE  
  
**more like HUNKules** : OH MY GOD WE'RE THE WORST HUSBANDS EVER  
  
**johnn** : RT  
  
**little lion** : NO NO NO NO NO  
  
**little lion** : YOU'RE NOT STOP LYING WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOU WERE JUST WORRIED ABT THEM ITS NOT YOUR FAULT  
  
**little lion** : YOU'RE SNEAKING OUT OF HERE ON YOUR LUNCH BREAK THO TO GO BUY THEM THINGS  
  
**johnn** : O KAY  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I can't believe we forgot to buy our spouse's birthday presents  
  
**johnn** : what did you get them @alex  
  
**little lion** : I am nOt telling you  
  
**johnn** : YOU HAVE TO SO WE DON'T GET THEM THE SAME THING  
  
**little lion** : unless you have time to wait one month for 1/2 of what I got them in the mail to come in  
  
**little lion** : which you DONT  
  
**little lion** : you're not going to get them the same thing as me  
  
**johnn** : when the fuck did you order this package  
  
**little lion** : like right after hercules' birthday bc I have to stay on top of things  
  
**little lion** : I ordered your present right after lafayette's came in  
  
**johnn** : I'm terrified of you  
  
**little lion** : thank you  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : so we're looking at lafayette's favorite photo of us in their office and I just,,,,don't understand  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I remember lafayette taking that photo  
  
**johnn** : I don't remember them taking it nor do I remember being in it  
  
**little lion** : rt  
  
**little lion** : also we look really young in it  
  
**little lion** : like idk how much I've aged between then and now but like apparently it was a Lot  
  
**laf** : it wASNT you're just clean shaven in the photo  
  
**little lion** : why did I do that  
  
**laf** : john dared you to when you were both drunk  
  
**laf** : it was earlier that night actually  
  
**little lion** : was this like the wildest night of our lives that we got too fucked up to remember  
  
**laf** : idek I remember it and we weren't doing anything but I'm at least 13% convinced that hercules wasn't drinking at all and drove you there  
  
**more like HUNKules** : no I remember that night perfectly  
  
**more like HUNKules** : you were all like let's drink wine and cry over each other and you all agreed but I had things to do the next day and sewing is hard when your skull feels like a maraca and your head is so scrambled that it feels like the beads in one  
  
**more like HUNKules** : and then lafayette just kept drinking wine and they tried to light candles for some reason??  
  
**laf** : I associate wine with romantic things and I associate candles with romantic things  
  
**laf** : and so if I'm drinking wine with 2/3 of the people I love most in the world  
  
**laf** : Romance is Apparent  
  
**more like HUNKules** : well anyway I wasn't letting you do that bc you were getting wine drunk and it's FIRE so I basically just kept you all on the couch and lafayette fell asleep but alex and john kept drinking until they finished the bottle and started another one  
  
**little lion** : where the fuck did we keep all this wine  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we had two bottles that we planned to drink on my birthday but we never did so y'all just went for it  
  
**little lion** : oh I'm sorry  
  
**more like HUNKules** : you know I don't like wine that much  
  
**little lion** : still we could've all been wine moms together  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'll pass  
  
**more like HUNKules** : nayway then you and john got really drunk and decided that it would totally work if you tried to have sex so you like crawled to our room  
  
**johnn** : wHY DONT I REMEMBER THIS  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I remember lafayette waking up bc you two left them on the couch and they just sat next to me and leaned on me and starting talking about my hands for twenty minutes  
  
**more like HUNKules** : and I could hear them and I could hear you two like yelling at each other but it was a totally normal conversation  
  
**more like HUNKules** : as normal as it could be for a convo about handjobs and whether or not you should talk during them could be  
  
**little lion** : oh my god  
  
**more like HUNKules** : and like I was listening to laf but at the same time I was ??? bc I've literally watched you talk about the stupidest shit while you have sex it's ridiculous and I hate the fact that sometimes I have taken part in these conversations  
  
**little lion** : I  
  
**more like HUNKules** : and then you both walked out completely naked and tried to LEAVE THE APARTMENT  
  
**more like HUNKules** : and I was like ???????????????????? bc nO and then you were like ""we need food just trust us on this"" and I was like ?? so you went and got dressed in clothes that were not yours and did not match and then you went to the bathroom together and I heard whispering  
  
**more like HUNKules** : you come out and alex now has no facial hair and he looks vaguely mad at john who is just laughing  
  
**more like HUNKules** : and then you forced me to pack all three of you into a car while john navigated me to walmart the wrong way and we would still be lost now if I listened to him  
  
**more like HUNKules** : and then you fucking sat in that aisle for twenty minutes while lafayette took pictures of you  
  
**laf** : then when I woke up that morning suffering, and I had 600 new photos and only one of them was clear enough for me to see what was happening  
  
**laf** : can you guess which one  
  
**little lion** : damn tho like if I didn't know how much herc loved us  
  
**little lion** : which I already did but if I DIDNT  
  
**little lion** : hearing that story would certain give me an idea  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I do love you  
  
**little lion** : I know  
  
**little lion** : I love you too!!  
  
**laf** : they're both staring at the picture now like it's their firstborn child  
  
**more like HUNKules** : amazing truly  
  
**laf** : they really are  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : private chat!! private chat!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WHERE ARE YOU  
  
**johnn** : I WAS MAKING OUT WITH LAFAYETTE IN THEIR OFFICE AND I LOST TRACK OF TIME  
  
**more like HUNKules** : of course you were  
  
**johnn** : IM GETTING IN THE CAR NOW ILL BE THERE IN A FEW MINUTES  
  
**more like HUNKules** : OKAY  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : a question: how many things can hercules cry over bc the things in this shop remind them of lafayette  
  
**laf** : what  
  
**johnn** : FUCK WRONG CHAT  
  
**laf** : WHAT  
  
**johnn** : we're shopping for your birthday presents bc we're awful and forgot to buy them  
  
**laf** : YOU'RE NOT AWFUL  
  
**laf** : also I don't need birthday presents from any of you  
  
**little lion** : tbh tho I got you this really fancy nail stuff that you told me you wanted like a reALLY long time ago that took FOREVER to get here in the mail which is stupid but idk it's fun to see you happy  
  
**laf** : it's not stupid I know exactly what you're talking about and thank you  
  
**little lion** : and also a ring I bought you a ring  
  
**laf** : oh my god why  
  
**little lion** : it's not like a Big Thing it's like a ring  
  
**little lion** : like it's not like an engagement ring is what I mean that's what we have the tattoos for but idk idk!!  
  
**little lion** : shopping for you is kind of difficult bc you deserve everything but we're on a budget love  
  
**johnn** : yeah tbh but like I kind of like it tho bc we always end up just buying things that remind us of lafayette and sometimes they're awful bc I'm awful at buying presents but you always tell me you love them so I go w/ it and continue to not learn my lesson  
  
**laf** : the fact that you buy me shit at all is literally so cute that of course!! I'm going to love it  
  
**laf** : and also none of your presents are awful fuck you I literally keep everything you give me  
  
**johnn** : I love you so much literally please kill me  
  
**laf** : I'm not killing my husband  
  
**laf** : especially not on my birthday  
  
**johnn** : rude  
  
**laf** : I???  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : I just saw the ring alex got me  
  
**johnn** : why did he have it with him  
  
**little lion** : bc I hid it in this blazer and didn't remember until I brought it up  
  
**laf** : it's beautiful  
  
**little lion** : that makes two of you  
  
**laf** : fuck  
  
**little lion** : why are you crying  
  
**laf** : bc you're all so good to me and this ring is so beautiful and I have no clue why you got it for me but thank you and I love you so much and I don't even?????  
  
**little lion** : okay well we're good to you bc you're amazing and we love you so much and you deserve to be treated well and wE LOVE!! YOU!!!  
  
**little lion** : same answer for why I bought you the ring  
  
**johnn** : this is so cute and I can assure you I'm crying in the middle of this store  
  
**johnn** : but hercules refuses to stop putting things in our cart  
  
**little lion** : oh god  
  
**johnn** : he keep saying that everything is just a ""maybe"" but literally every time he adds something, he adds the price of it all on his phone and checks his wallet and then nods or shakes his head and walks away to get more things  
  
**little lion** : please don't let him go bankrupt  
  
**johnn** : it's fine he can always cash the check my father gave him  
  
**little lion** : he still hasn't done that?  
  
**johnn** : says he doesn't like having that much money  
  
**little lion** : I worry about him  
  
**johnn** : me too  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh wait I have an idea  
  
**more like HUNKules** : A GOOD ONE  
  
**johnn** : pray for me  
  
**little lion** : oh god  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : what hercules got lafayette is the sappiest thing ever and I hate him bc I have nothing  
  
**more like HUNKules** : you have the most important thing  
  
**johnn** : I have a fuckton of chocolate  
  
**laf** : REALLY  
  
**more like HUNKules** : told ya  
  
**laf** : I LOVE YOU BOTH I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE YOU ARE RN  
  
**johnn** : hercules just dropped me off and is currently parked in the parking lot texting us  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I love you too and I'm going now so bye  
  
**laf** : bye hercules!!  
  
**johnn** : I'm emo I couldn't get you anything better for your birthday  
  
**laf** : ITS FINE  
  
**laf** : we have a meeting in twenty minutes tho so like you should get back here  
  
**johnn** : FUCK RIGHT IM RUNNIN  
  
**johnn** : I HAVE ALL THIS CHOCOLATE NOW BC I HAD TO PUT IT SOMEWHERE COLD  
  
**johnn** : AKA THIS ENTIRE OFFICE  
  
**laf** : WE CAN JUST PUT IT IN MY OFFICE ITS FINE  
  
**little lion** : how long is this meeting  
  
**laf** : you're,,,,,,,  
  
**laf** : this is basically your meeting what are you talking about  
  
**little lion** : yeah I know I have a POWERPOINT and a pointer stick thing for emphasis but like how long do you think it's going to be  
  
**laf** : how long is the powerpoint  
  
**little lion** : 17 slides  
  
**laf** : two hours  
  
**little lion** : really  
  
**laf** : maybe more  
  
**little lion** : okay then we have two hours here after and then we leave and eat chocolate and leftover cake  
  
**laf** : perfect  
  
**little lion** : which reminds me I have to go set up for that before you get there  
  
**laf** : godspeed babe  
  
**little lion** : thx  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : I'm so bORED  
  
**johnn** : are you kidding  
  
**laf** : don't get me wrong I love alex more than anything but like,,,,,,,  
  
**laf** : whenever anyone starts talking about the funds of this company I start singing money money money from mamma mia in my head and bursting into song always seems more interesting than what's going on  
  
**johnn** : I  
  
**laf** : I work all night I work all day I pay the bills I have to pay  
  
**johnn** : /I/  
  
**more like HUNKules** : aint it sad  
  
**laf** : and still there never seems to be a single penny left for me  
  
**more like HUNKules** : that's too bad  
  
**johnn** : ,,,,,,,,,,  
  
**johnn** : in my dreams, I have a plan  
  
**laf** : IF I GOT ME A WEALTHY MAN  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I WOULDNT HAVE TO WORK AT ALL ID FOOL AROUND AND HAVE A BALL  
  
**laf** : MONEY  
  
**johnn** : MONEY  
  
**more like HUNKules** : MONEY  
  
**laf** : MUST BE FUNNY  
  
**more like HUNKules** : IN A RICH MAN'S WORLD  
  
**johnn** : MONEY MONEY MONEY  
  
**laf** : ALWAYS SUNNY  
  
**more like HUNKules** : IN A RICH MANS WORLD  
  
**johnn** : *INTENSE MERYL STREEP SINGING VOICE*  
  
**laf** : we need to stop and pay attention I almost just snorted  
  
**johnn** : rt  
  
**more like HUNKules** : have fun dears  
  
**laf** : we will  
  
**laf** : it's alexander speaking after all  
  
\---  
  
**more like HUNKules** : it's been three hours and none of you have yelled yet is that meeting still going on  
  
**more like HUNKules** : if so then oh god  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : FOUR HOURS  
  
**johnn** : FOUR HOURS  
  
**little lion** : DID YOU REALLY HATE IT THAT MUCH  
  
**johnn** : I LIKE LISTENING TO YOU SPEAK ITS JUST THE T O P I C  
  
**johnn** : I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOURE SO AMAZING BUT IT ALL BRINGS ME BACK TO MATH CLASSES THROUGHOUT MY LIFE AND I JUST DONT NEED THAT KIND OF S T R E S S  
  
**little lion** : WE CAN GO HOME NOW ANYWAY SO YOU DONT HAVE TO BE BORED OUT OF YOUR MIND  
  
**johnn** : YOU DONT BORE ME ALEXANDER ITS JUST F I N A N C E S  
  
**johnn** : ARE YOU MAD AT ME  
  
**little lion** : no of course not  
  
**little lion** : I just think it's rude that you don't listen  
  
**johnn** : I did listen for the most part  
  
**johnn** : just not when we were singing and I'm sorry  
  
**johnn** : also I don't know why you make color schemes for your powerpoints but it's cute and I love them  
  
**little lion** : sorry I got mad  
  
**johnn** : don't be I should've been listening  
  
**little lion** : no it's fine I understand that that's not the coolest thing to talk about for four hours straight  
  
**johnn** : still you're my husband and I should!! have!! listened!!  
  
**laf** : this is cute,,,,,,but hercules is here,,,,,and you two are somewhere in the building still having this apology sesh  
  
**johnn** : sorry  
  
**little lion** : we're coming down now  
  
**laf** : yay!!  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : why did hercules run after giving laf their present  
  
**johnn** : bc of what it is  
  
**little lion** : ???  
  
**laf** : it's  
  
**laf** : it's the lipstick I was wearing when hercules told me he loved me for the first time  
  
**laf** : on our graduation day  
  
**little lion** : OH MY GOD THAT'S SO C U T E  
  
**laf** : HERCULES UNLOCK THE SPARE ROOM DOOR  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WHY  
  
**laf** : ARE YOU EVEN READING THESE MESSAGES  
  
**laf** : SO I CAN KISS YOU TO D E A T H  
  
**more like HUNKules** : okay  
  
**laf** : IM SOB B IN G  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oH GO D  
  
**johnn** : there they go  
  
**little lion** : rip hercules  
  
**johnn** : rip  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : I'm tired af  
  
**johnn** : well considering the fact that you just made out with hercules on the floor of our spare room for thirty minutes  
  
**johnn** : I think that's p reasonable  
  
**laf** : let's go tf to bED  
  
**johnn** : me and alexander have been in bed for like 25 minutes waiting for you two to get here  
  
**laf** : then how do you know I've been making out with hercules this entire time  
  
**johnn** : I know who you are lafayette we're married  
  
**laf** : right true true  
  
**laf** : anyway thank you all for loving me and for the past two days especially and this is my best birthday yet I love you all so much and I don't know what I'd do without you  
  
**laf** : time to sleep  
  
**little lion** : WE LOVE YOU TOO OH MY GOD  
  
**johnn** : ILY2  
  
**more like HUNKules** : LOVE YOU TOO  
  
**laf** : :^)))))))  
  
**johnn** : COME H E R E  
  
**laf** : IM COMING  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ME TOO  
  
**johnn** : YAY  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : happy birthday lafayette  
  
**laf** : you can't just say that when I'm mostly asleep and too tired to roll around and kiss you  
  
**little lion** : you don't need to kiss me  
  
**laf** : but I want to  
  
**laf** : thank you alexander  
  
**little lion** : anything for you dear  
  
**little lion** : anything for you

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. I cannot write the laurens fam reunion even tho I have it planned out and have tried for the past two days and I'm sorry to everyone who wanted me to write it :///
> 
> 2\. can I even write short texting things anymore?? who knows???
> 
> 3\. also I have no idea what this about and I'm sorry


End file.
